40 lessons in 40 years

Advice to my younger self

Hi love,

Well hey, it’s been a minute (or about six months!). I’ve been in a season of movement, and it’s been nice to be off the computer (mostly). I’m not sure I’m back just yet, but I was feeling inspired so wanted to drop in with my recent 40th birthday reflections.

So, here we go!

40 lessons in 40 years: Advice to my younger self

Love and relationships

• Loving someone deeply is simultaneously the hardest and most wonderful thing in the world. It will make your heart swell with joy and bring you to your knees. I’m yet to learn whether it’s truly worth it, but right now it feels like it is.

• If you could see yourself through the eyes of those who love you, you would feel so incredibly worthy. And you are.

• Doing things for other people will give you just as much as it gives them. Remember this when you need a pick me up or you’re feeling like a martyr.

• You don’t need nearly as many friends as you think you do, and you’ll be surprised by how many people come and go in your life. Trust that you will always have what you need in your relationships, including moments of loneliness that will serve your growth.

• You don’t need to force friendships, nor push them away. The best ones will evolve naturally and easily.

• If you are in a good relationship with a good person and you love yourself and each other, there will be very little conflict. Having said that, it’s normal for romantic relationships to involve some struggles and tension in the early months/years. Trust. There really is nothing wrong with you.

• The cliche ‘when you know, you know’ is so true. When you’re with the right person you won’t have doubts. You’ll just know.

• You don’t need to change yourself to be more loveable. You are already loveable. You just need to realise it.

• Your relationship with your parents will change to the point that, in many ways, you become the parent. Consider it your initiation into true adulthood, and enjoy the ways it can bring you closer.

• It’s a beautiful thing to be young, independent, and living away from your family for a moment. If you can, balance that out by getting closer when you’re ready to settle. Spending time with your family as you all grow older is important, and it will bring you great comfort, contentment, and peace. It will also drive you crazy, but it’s worth it.

House and home

• Putting Bob Ross on YouTube, burning Palo Santo and drinking a cup of tea will relax you faster than any meditation technique.

• The satisfaction you get from growing something from seed makes all the times it doesn’t work absolutely worthwhile.

• Buying a house is not nearly as scary and freedom threatening as it might seem. In fact, it can give you an even greater sense of freedom.

• Living in the same home for several years will bring a newfound appreciation for the seasons. There’s no such thing as stagnation. You can live in the same home forever and still experience so much growth and change - it’s not nearly as boring as your younger, gypsy-self might think.

• The less clothing you have, the more you will appreciate your wardrobe.

• Cleaning the windows is the most boring and effective household task you can complete. You’ll be staring out of those babies with a smile on your face and bragging about it for days. Filling a bucket with soapy water, washing the windows with a cloth, and then using the squeegee will give you the best results.

• Bicarb and vinegar will clean pretty much anything.

• Over the age of 30, beyond your clubbing years, don’t buy any item of clothing that isn’t comfortable. You won’t wear it and it’ll be a complete waste of money.

• Sheets and towels should be washed once a week.

• Most things that are really trendy (clothing, homewares…) go out of fashion and start to look dated really fast.

• Learn these two things in the kitchen - how to make gravy and pesto. The foundation of these will inspire so many sauces and dips.

• Where you live is not nearly as important as how you live. Live with people who make you feel good, and create a home that’s cosy and inviting. That will make you happier than any million dollar mansion or view.

Health and happiness

• Walking outside is the best and most sustainable exercise you can do.

• Starting your day with a cup of tea in bed then going for a walk (without your phone) is the absolute best way to start your day.

• You won’t regret the decisions that felt life-altering. They’ll be some of the best, most memorable things you do.

• Fantasy novels are the most effective escapism - with the added bonus of no blue light.

• Breakfast isn’t as a big a deal as you’ve been made to believe. People will tell you it’s the most important meal of the day, and others will tell you the best thing you can do for longevity is to skip it. If you’re hungry - eat. If you’re not - don’t. If your first meal is protein-rich, it’ll keep you feeling good all day.

• Sometimes obligatory things will be really fun, and sometimes they won’t. Enjoy them in small doses.

• When it comes to health discipline, the more you do something the more you will want to do it. The less you do something the less you will want it. Exercise, drinking alcohol, eating sugar etc etc.

• You don’t need to think about your moves to look good on the dance floor. You just need to have a really really good time.

• Pilates is one of the best exercises to support your body as you age.

• Wearing perfume and fragrances, and burning most candles, is horrible for your health and hormones. Use essential oils if you desperately need to smell like something other than yourself.

• When it comes to having children, there’s no ‘right’ answer in this day and age where you’re dealing with the philosophical conundrum of the paradox of choice. Whatever you do, you’ll probably wonder what life would have been like if you’d done the opposite. It’s part of being a modern woman and it’s hard, but you’ll be okay.

Work and money

• ‘Slowing down’ and ‘balance’ are sometimes over rated. You need something to get out of bed for in the morning and a sense of purpose in life. You’ve gotta do something with your time!

• Money is not emotional and should not be treated as such. It’s a tool that comes and goes. A lack of money doesn’t always mean your safety and security is threatened. You’ll make it again, you’ll spend it again, and everything will be okay.

• You will never regret choosing something you love over money.

Challenges and sadness

• The things that are most challenging are often the ones that bring you the most pride and happiness.

• Life will bring unexpected setbacks that take time to recover from. You should give yourself grace in those times.

• The older you get, the more you will realise that you can’t always have what you want. You can push and force and fight it, or you can surrender to what is, and trust that maybe it really is just not meant to be.

• In life, you will go through difficult times that you can’t meditate, yoga, or healthy eat your way out of. Those things don’t hurt, but you can’t always fast track/hack your healing. Sometimes, you’ll just have to be patient and trust that peace is on the horizon.

Thank you always for your precious attention.

All my love,

Jess xxx